


Commander Anna makes a Commercial

by LazulinaLapi



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Based off a meme, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Made with Love, Summoner will just be called Kiran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22396300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazulinaLapi/pseuds/LazulinaLapi
Summary: Sales aren't going too well for the group, and funds are dwindling. In an attempt to fix this Commander Anna decides what else to boost sales than a commercial.
Kudos: 6





	Commander Anna makes a Commercial

**Author's Note:**

> This was too much fun to write, I'm just hoping you all can like it too.

"Commander Anna, you called us here for something?" Sharena looked at the Commander, who was pacing back and forth. 

"Yes, where's Alfonse? He was supposed to be here too..." Anna paused her pacing to notice the people absent from the meeting, Alfonse and the Summoner. 

Alfonse and Kiran walked into the room, with Alfonse apologizing. "I'm sorry Commander Anna, I ran late because of Kiran forgetting where they put their orbs. You asked all of us to come here to discuss our finances?" 

"Yes, as you all know, the Order of Heroes have been losing money, and that's not good. Feh, can you bring the chart?" 

Feh flew in, holding a chart with numbers on it, more specifically the flow of money. 

"See here? We haven't been doing good, and I want to change that. I think what we need is to try and get more revenue by advertising." 

"Commander Anna, what do you mean by 'advertising'?" Alfonse was curious as to what she was talking about. 

"Well, I asked around and many people thought that it would be a good idea. So I asked some of our Heroes here to help with that, and we came up with this." 

Feh brought out a script with what they came up with:

"FUCK YOU, SUMMONERS! If you're dumb enough to download a new app this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to download to Fire Emblem Heroes! 

Bad deals! Unfair percent chance! Fates! If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Fire Emblem Heroes, you can kiss my ass! 

It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit. GUARANTEED! If you find a better gacha game, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS! You heard us right! SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS! 

Bring your phone! Bring your money! Bring your waifu! We'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your waifu! Because in Fire Emblem Heroes, you're fucked six ways from Sunday!

Take a hike, and download Fire Emblem Heroes! Home of CHALLENGE PISSING! That's right, CHALLENGE PISSING! How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up, and not get wet, you get a free unit! Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us, or we'll rip your nuts off! 

Only at Fire Emblem Heroes, the only game that tells you to fuck off! Hurry up, asshole! This event ends the minute after you give us your credit card! And it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker! Go to Hell! Fire Emblem Heroes! The Order of Heroes's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sons-of-bitches in Askr! GUARANTEED!"

Alfonse looked at the script with shock. He put it down and looked at Commander Anna wide eyed. 

"Commander...we can't put this out! It's too vulgar! What do you think Sharena?" 

"Um...we should make a few changes." 

Commander Anna looked a bit sheepish and rubbed her arm. 

"How would you feel if I told you that I already put it out? What do you think Kiran?" 

At this point Kiran left the room to not hurt anyone's feelings.


End file.
